Shoji here. I wanted to talk a little about trusting others and how actions can sometimes speak louder than words. We should all know this but sometimes people come into our lives that are chaos and cause things around us to go haywire and they wreak havoc on the silence and calm that surrounds us trying to drive us crazy. Now in a case like this we need to take time to ourselves and really sit and meditate on calm and remaining centered. We cannot let other people drive us to do things we do not want to do and it is imperative that we keep our boundaries. This can be hard sometimes when we are in the midst of a crisis with a self centered person but we need to always ensure that we are safe and not compromise ourselves.
When dealing with a Narcissist, they do not see that they are self centered and it comes off as uncaring. No matter how much help you give the narcissist they will always say you don’t care and that it is never enough. They will drain you of your time and money and take over and covet everything that is yours unless you protect yourself. Make sure to hold onto your boundaries and if you do not want to do something do not let the narcissist talk you into it by making you feel guilty. You are already going out of your way to help so do not let them push you over the edge.
The narcissist has not understanding of how they demand time and energy to focus on them. Nothing they do is mutually beneficial and they will not do a thing unless there is a benefit to them. Make sure that you protect yourself and give yourself time away from the narcissist to gather up your mental energy in order to fight the battle once more. Narcissists only care about themselves and they have no capacity to see beyond themselves. They will make bad decisions and blame it on you and ask you to do things for them that other people would not. Do not let yourself be used by these people. If you are in a close relationship with the narcissist this can escalate so remember to protect yourself and leave if you feel threatened or in danger. Narcissists cannot see how their behavior affects others because they are so centered on themselves and cannot see the consequences of their actions.
Sometimes narcissists can be called psychic vampires and they will suck you dry and all your efforts and give little thanks when you bend over backwards for them. Just know that this is their nature and they cannot see they are taking advantage or asking for too much from people. They have no concept of shared responsibility and consequences and will make bad immediate decisions that harm them and those around them.
Remember to protect yourself as best you can and spend time away. If you are in a relationship the narcissist may call you names and bully you and even role reversal and accuse you of things and blame you when they are the ones that are doing the action or speaking the hurtful words. Remember narcissists don’t see anything wrong with their behavior. They may say they are bullied when it is just a projection because they are the ones doing the actual bullying.
No one deserves to be used. Make sure you stick to your boundaries and say no when something will harm you or feels wrong, the narcissist will try to spin it and accuse you of not caring so be prepared for that. You need to be in control of your power. The narcissist may fight you if you stop them from abusing you. Just remember that you deserve respect and no one has the right to try to control you.
Sometimes young people who are in situations with a bully who is narcissistic take the bully’s words to heart and get confused. The bully’s ego is fragile and they attack to make themselves feel better. This fragile ego creates an environment where the bully is uncomfortable with themselves and their situation which they created and they lash out at others who they target to make themselves feel better because if they were to look at themselves they would fall apart because they would have to face their flaws and situations that they created. Bullies will blame others for things they themselves have done and caused and take it out on those who are close to them, or those they may see as weak or fragile.
Do not make yourself a target of a bully. Stay away from them. And if you are the subject of a bully reach out and protect yourself and get help. The bully will project his self hate onto you and call you names and lash out. Sometimes these tantrums will be angry and disturbing and may be hurtful or scary. You have every right to feel in danger when a narcissist lashes out in a fit of rage. The bully is trying to make themselves feel better by attacking others because they cannot stand their own skin.
If you are being bullied protect yourself, tell a teacher, parents, friends or a counselor and get help. Do not let the bully’s words take you down. You deserve respect and no one should abuse you or call you names. You deserve to be treated fairly and with respect.
The bully is always in the wrong.